Lessons in the Mirror

"Mama Toto" - Cairns

Last night me, my bf and her nine year old daughter were the guests at a wonderful celebration of women and stories and global adventures. You can read about that here. Out of sheer practicality it ended up that I was getting ready for the evening at bf's house. It was a flurry of everything female. We took over her entire bedroom and en suite bathroom, and there were outfits (the hits and the misses) and jewelery and hair products and blow-dryers and makeup and lotions and potions as far as the eye could see. This ritual of preparation culminated with the three of us crammed into her small en suite, all trying to put the finishing touches in the right spots and get out the front door on time. Those who know me well know that it doesn't take much to fluster me, completely overstimulate me and send my body temperature through the roof with even the smallest exertion. The nine year old had left the bathroom creating a little extra room but within minutes had returned and wedged herself into the space between her mother and I and the bathroom sink. 

I was quickly reaching "that place".

But then, thankfully, my inner compass changed and I realized that something very sacred was happening.  The nine year old had a little palette of eyeshadow. She asked which one she could use. A very light one, her mother said. She chose the palest pink, barely there. She picked up the little brush and began to run it over the colour. We showed her how to blow on the brush to get rid of the excess, how to hold the brush, how and where to put the hint of sparkle on her eyelids. When she finished she stood and looked at herself, pleased. You look so pretty, we said. As I started to put my own makeup on I could see her out of the corner of my eye, observing and taking in everything I did. I smiled, but said nothing.

I could see in her eyes that it was "a moment".  Something she will look back on and remember. It wasn't about the makeup. Her mother is very conscious about encouraging her nine year old to be a nine year old, to not grow and mature beyond her years, beyond what she is emotionally ready for. But it wasn't about the makeup. It was about being part of something, sharing in all things female, the ritual of adorning and preparation. It was about honoring and celebrating an outer and inner beauty.

Self esteem, healthy body image, honoring the unique beauty within ourselves is such a struggle for so many women. I was struck, in this moment with the awesome responsibility and privilege we have as women to speak words of life and truth into the "little women" in our lives.  I have no earthly daughters, but I have been blessed with many daughters of the heart who allow me to share in these wonderfully unexpected and sacred moments.

And my heart is grateful.

Comments

[Deb]

Thank you for this Sarah! What a wonderful reminder for me. I never had a "moment" like that as a child. I want my daughter's experience to be different. And you're right, it is an "awesome responsibility and privilege...to speak words of life and truth into the "little women" in our lives."

[stephanie]

You have the most amazing way of finding the rich ritual in the sharing of experiences between friends which always amazes me.
This precious moment recorded, percolating, and being woven deep in your respective heart fabric comes out with beautiful colours today as I read.
And I realize that as an adult I am beginning to experience what this 9 year old is experiencing with the wonderful women in my life who are teaching me.